My headroom's MC

Hey all
i'm glad you could make it
listen up
feel free to sit
stories of my heady
come on get ready
i'm groovin to medeski
gonna miss my good friend whisney
glad i'm typing this down
i got on my thinking crown
these are thoughts on my mind
once i say 'em, it's hard to rewind
travis thinks i'm drunk
not true, i'm just feeling the funk
tonight i got high
one question for myself, why? why?
i'm honest, i cant lie
tonight felt good, as mary jane should
wouldn't go back to change if i could
i hate keeping thoughts on the inside
too much of a wild ride

neuscrilla intellectual conversational
you guys should've been there
words coming out were exceptional
on the ride back
from the party where i lacked
a part of me
i'd like to be more socially
this jam is fuckin groovey


hope you guys enjoyed that. i thought i'd have a rhyme sesh. i heard the voice of peter today. he called me on the cell when I was on the way to pick up neumiller. man i miss that kid. finally i got a for sure answer that he will travel the full time with me. i wasn't sure. i knew he was planning on visiting me. i just didn't know if he would be able to backpack with me for 3 weeks.

i'm really excited for this. i'm really nervous too. but now that i know peter will be traveling with me, i'm just looking forward to it way more. me and him used to always talk back when he lived here. i have a large group of friends here. but out of the large group, there's only a few close ones that i can really hold a private conversation with. where they'll tell me stuff and i'll tell them stuff. and he was one of them. i feel that after over a year of not seeing eachother, we'll definately have some stuff to talk about and catch up on. we both have changed i'm sure.

this trip is about to change my life. i'm gonna be in europe for 4 months. mostly in Italy. I really need to go back and practice some italian because I forgot eveything. my winter break starts on the 13th of december. from then, i'll have 3 weeks to travel. i leave back to the U.S. from Amsterdam on Jan. 3rd. I'm thinking about spending my new year's there.

i've been researching psychadelic mushrooms a lot lately. you may think i'm an idiot, but those things are actually better for you than worse. they are just hard to handle sometimes since I myself have had bad experiences on them. i have read that when you try them, you'll want to be at a high point in your life when things are going great. that way, you'll have such a spiritual experience, that it'll change your life in such a positive way and things will be better in the end. when i took them, i don't know if i was at a high point or low point. i think i was just at the point of confusion. i've been confused for quite a bit now. we're always searching for something. i know i am. I don't know what it is, but i haven't found it yet.

i feel that this experience will change me in a positive way. i might be able to figure myself out. i know i'm making this seem like I have problems. but really, everyone has problems. nobody is born with a perfect mindset. even your therapists might need help. but yeah, i'm gonna grow spiritually, then i'm gonna see my good friend peter for the first time in over a year, and then we're gonna travel. i think i'll be at a very high point then, i plan on booming in amsterdam. it might be weird. it might be intense. but i'll handle it. take it easy. and then that'll be the end. of my substance uses. except for drinking of course. which i never considered a bad thing.

well i'm pretty tired now. i hope you enjoyed my ramblings. i'll be back to keep you updated.

New Things In My Life

So I finally told this girl my thoughts today. Way easier said than done. I don't know what you were talking about andy. It was over the phone too because I just had to let it out already. Holding a bunch of thoughts in your head that you need to get out is like bad energy build up in your mind. It's like a bad psychadelic trip. Or if some of you know me, it can even be a bad high.

But yeah, I wish I told her in person though. That would have been way better. Cuz now I haven't seen her for 2 days. Hope she works tomorrow though. Couldn't hang out with her today because she had work, and I didn't. I had to do errands too. So I call her up, we talk for a little bit. All of the sudden I just say "I have a big ass crush on you. It has been driving me insane. I just had to let that out of my chest and throw it on the table." She giggled for a bit. Asked me if that was what I wanted to tell her last night. I said yep. That was it. Then she said she was glad I got that out. Then it was a bit awkward and silent for a bit. I feel bad. I hope I didn't put her in an awkward situation. I hope she's not like turned off from me too because I still wanna be able to chill with her. She's a fun person.

So do I feel better now? I can't say yes or no. I'm just confused. I'm glad I got it off my chest. My body feels a bit lighter now. Not so overwhelmed with heaviness. But I kinda wish I never said anything in the first place. I mean....things weren't that bad in the first place....we were still good friends....I was just tripping out when I shouldn't have. So I blew it. Totally blew it. Whatevs! I leave the country in 2 weeks!!! I don't gotta worry about this shit.

Other news though. I bought a kickass backpack today at REI! This thing is huge! (that's what she said haha) It's a traveler's backpack meant for backpacking on extended day trips. I probably haven't mentioned it yet, but during winter break after my fall semester is over in Italy, I'm gonna travel Europe for 3 whole weeks with my good friend Peter! SO EXCITED! I haven't seen this guy for a year. And I've never done anything like this before. This will change my life for sure. FERSHER!!!!!

More news! Except not so optimistic like the exclamation mark makes it out to be. So end of summer really does suck........people are leaving. going off to school. I'll totally go through krew withdrawal when i'll be gone. Saying bye. I had to say bye to two people today. A good friend who I have just been getting closer and closer with. She's amazing. Ari! She's going to NYU for her freshmen year. I'll have to visit her during her college career. This isn't even talk. I'm totally gonna go there and it'll be kickass. And then my really close friend Amar who is just always fun to chill with. He goes back to Ohio tomorrow. And Pat and Spigs already left. Ostlund is in Thailand now. I feel bad because my summer has been so busy that I haven't been able to chill with people that much while they were in town. And now they're gone. Well I guess that's part of life. Since I needed to take a drawing class as a prerequisite and work a bunch this summer so I'll have money in Europe.

But yeah, tomorrow I'm gonna get a new pair of kicks! Fresh Kicks Fresh Tits! Have you guys ever seen this shirt? So sick! Totally gonna get it.

http://www.karmaloop.com/kazbah-products.asp?ProductID=38121&VendorCode=BOBKB

Girl Solutions (The One's You Wish You Were Just Born With)

So about 2 weeks ago, I met a girl. She's a new girl at my work. I wish I never met her. Cuz I have a crazy ass crush on her now. And in 2 weeks, I leave to study abroad in Italy for 4 months. I don't know how to tell her I feel this way. I bet she knows too. I always call her and make eye contact with her at work. I don't know why I'm being such a pussy. I should just tell her.

But I wonder how she feels towards me?
She doesn't really like me that much? Oh no! The world is over!...lol...not... I guess that's the worst thing that could happen though. I'm just too nervous to find out.

But what if she likes me? Now I gotta deal with this when I'm about to be out of the country. Fuck that! I'm going to Italy and I'm gonna hang out with some sexy Italian chicks. I don't wanna be in any relationship. It would be nice to fool around though (tehehe fooling around bahahaha like play tricks on eachother hahahaha! I'm just joking around. Whisney gets it) Yea! Fooling around! Free love! 1960's. Wish I was there.

I've been living the single life most of my career. Was in a relationship. Haven't been in one for about 10 months. feels pretty damn good too. Mostly cuz my ex-girlfriend sucked! Just had to throw that out there. What a fuckin bitch! alright. got some off my chest. Single is cool but I do get lonely sometimes.

What's cool about this girl, is that she knows my ex-girlfriend and also hates her. So we can just make fun of her together. It's not just that though. She's really really pretty, has a good sense of humor (always a plus), has good style (another plus), we have similar lifestyles, etc. She's Russian too. Just like me. Which is weird cuz i'm usually super turned off by Russian chicks. But she's not oober russian. Just kinda like whatever. If that makes sense. Watching her speak Russian with my mom was entertaining though.

So yeah. I've been hanging out with her lately. Never really made a move. I don't work like that. I move slow. But that's the thing. It's not like I want to work slow. I'm just uncomfortable working faster since I lack the necessary confidence. And this guy at my work has been talking to her now. And I bet he moves a lot quicker than I do which intimidates me. Especially since he's older and just seems to have more confidence than I do.

All 3 of us hung out. It was a fun time for sure. We went to Mystic Lake. But I felt nervous. As if she was more interested in him than me that night. Maybe I was trippin, but it almost felt like a competition. Which sucks cuz that's the last thing I want. I don't want her to be some prize object. She's just a girl that I happen to really like and just hope that she likes me back...and not him....After the casino, we stayed at her place and hung out. No way I was gonna leave first. Too afraid he'd pull a move on her. She ended up kicking both of us out at like 4am.

He's actually a cool guy. Don't get me wrong. We have stuff in common. He likes Phish and plays guitar. I just wish he wasn't getting so close to her.

I didn't call her last night. Just thought it would be pointless and give her a break from my daily calls. Mistake! I see her today at work. Asked her what she did last night. Said he came over. Fuck! Yeah, you guys know what's on my mind. I totally had an open window the first week I met her when It was just me and her hanging out and I blew it. Why did he have to bud in now?

But still, I get these texts from her that shows some interest from her into me because she wants to know if I work with her so she can see me. Or she'll ask me to hang out for the 30 minutes she's on break. I wish girls didn't mess with my head so much.

Andy Whisney is one of my closest friends I have. We always tell each other our problems and try our best to give good advice and support. He told me I had to tell her all of this. Easier said than done. So I was gonna tell her tonight because we were supposed to hang out. I was waiting for her call though since she had to do some stuff with one of her girlfriends first. Said she'd give me a call when she would get back home. I totally thought negative that she forgot about me cuz it was like 1 in the morning and still no call. Eventually she calls at 1:30. Says I can come over but it would be pointless if I did because her and her friend are just laying in bed and about to watch lost and probably go to bed by the time I get there. But all these thoughts have been building up in my head, I just had to say something. I told her that I had to tell her something. But not on the phone. It was awkward. We decided I'll call her tomorrow. I hope she doesn't think I'm a creeper. But yeah, that's where I'm at right now. Wish I never said it.

What a pointless blog post. I just babbled so much you guys are probably like what the fuck are you talking about max? Finally off my chest though. Now I just gotta tell her this shit.

Good Night

Title Description

When I was 17 years old, I bought the Led Zeppelin - Physical Graffiti album. It was a 2 disc album. I listened to the first disc during the day. Later at night when I arrived home that very day from my buddy's house, I put disc 2 in my discman.

Before I put the headphones on and pushed play, I went to my bathroom to smoke a bowl as my parents were sleeping. To this day, I still don't know what the fuck I was thinking smoking pot 15 feet away from my parents' nostrils. But I couldn't help it, I had just got some gravities from my Jimmy John's Manager and they were dank as fuck!

This was a time when I was addicted to my old friend Mary Jane. Even though sometimes she would play tricks with my head, back then she was a very good friend.

It was past midnight and I had just finished coughing as loud and soft as I could at the same time through my wonderfully packed zoom tube as I would stand on top of my cushioned toilet seat blowing the smoke toward the air vent. I went in the tub to take a shower. But, whenever I plan to take a shower, it always turns into a shower bath.

A shower bath is what I like to call laying in a tub full of water with the shower head dropping droplets of water on my chest and belly. When you are as baked as I was, it's kind of like a front of body massage.

I finally finished showering and got ready for my bed. "What the fuck is that?!?" Oh, silly me, I just lied back on my discman. I had forgotten I put it there earlier before I smoked the bowl. "Well lets see what disc 2 has to offer!"

There are some types of music that when you put them in your headphones, it is just a much better experience than listening to it in the speakers. As I put the headphones in my ears, I pushed play. I lied in my bed with my eyes closed. The first song was "In the Light". All of the sudden, I had an inner body psychedelic experience with this song. I had no idea what was going on. I mean....yeah...I was high...but this was too crazy to be true. The song went into the insides of my ears and through my body all the way to the bottom of my toes and fingertips. I felt as though each strum of Jimmy Page's guitar strings were tickling my entire body while the synthesizer was giving me a full body skin rub. Robert Plant's voice just giving me the quivers. And the rhythm section would just repeat these feelings in a pulsing matter through my bloodstream. I ended up falling asleep with a large smile on my face. And to top all of that, I had visuals like the Itunes visualizer going on behind my eyelids.

I woke up the next morning with the headphones still on my ears and the discman out of battery. I got dressed and went to school. That morning I still remembered what happened the night before that I couldn't wait to tell Peter and Amar.

I have had this exact same experience with a couple different albums. But in total, it has only happened 5 times in my life. This was the most memorable because it was my first one. It changed my life. Not for the better or for the worse. I'm not a new man. I am still the same old Max. The only difference is that I just happened to have a kick ass experience on those particular nights that nobody else did. That is why it is so meaningful to me. Because it was an experience by me, to me, and for me.

Here are the 4 other discs that gave me the same experience:
1. Pink Floyd - Wish You Were Here
2. Phish - Junta (Disc 2)
3. Miles Davis - Bitches Brew (Disc 1)
4. Radiohead - In Rainbows